i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
