Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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