Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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