Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
