Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
