It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
