this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
