and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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