god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
