Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My vagina is very pro this idea
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
