In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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