You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
