Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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