New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
