so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
