i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
