I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
