More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
