rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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