i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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