Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I faked an abortion last night.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
