so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
