There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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