Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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