making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
