Im at strip club and am horny
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
