I wish I could teleport
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
