I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
