God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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