I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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