You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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