Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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