I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
