dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
