You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
