This dress was meant to end up on your floor
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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