question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
