What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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