i always forget guys have bellybuttons
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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