Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
