thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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