the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
