i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
