What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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