He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
