and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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