you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
