Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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