You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
