please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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