why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We had to coat check the pizza.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
