It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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