Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
everyone is single if you try hard enough
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
