every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
