what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
