The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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