...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize