As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
