The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
