Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
