Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize