You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm jealous of your bromance
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
