i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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