Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize