meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
