that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
