I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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