i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
