dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize