That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
