What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
