if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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