Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
