Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
