The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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