Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
