you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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