I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
